Of Time Traveling & Journeys Ahead

The perils of running a writers community, managing application requests especially when applications now have a writing sample component, are many. There is the risk of stepping on toes; in a way, it’s a lot like applying to a writing program. It’s all rather subjective: will they like what I’ve written or not? And if they don’t, do I really need them to anyway? Who are they to judge my work? And the defensiveness continues.

I’ve been on the giving end of it, and now I’m on the receiving end of the stick which is only fair I suppose. What Desi Writers Lounge does, however, isn’t reject samples they’re opposed to: we just look at the grammatical side of the equation. If we’re going to spend a lot of time revising fifth grade grammar, then that is time not well spent. You’re in a writing community; grammar is the first thing you need to strike off when you start writing, unless it suits your piece to experiment. Nobody said don’t experiment, but grammar is the aesthetic brilliance that gives you a how-to guide to do something. That’s not bad, especially when you’re just getting started.

There’s been a little bit of a behind the doors discussion on company registration, how we’re going to go about it, and whether self-sustainment will ever be possible. I of course, believe that not only is self-sustainment possible we can earn a profit in the long run but then I am also willing to walk the extra mile, to get us there. It depends I suppose on how much you’re willing to put in, to work to get something more out of it.

Don’t get me wrong: I know what I’m doing is incredibly risky. I am not willing for Desi Writers Lounge to just be a casual something that we all occasionally come to, work on and then forget about. I want this to be an organization, and not just a registered organization, but a company that can do something for literary awareness, either in conjunction with others or on its own. I am simply not willing to sit idly by, or go into another direction, or put my effort into anything else. Yes, this will largely be a thankless and sweated job, but I also care about this passionately enough to slave for it and make sure it gets there. Preferably, I would like some vestiges of the original founders but also know that their moving away from it as responsibilities change is not only inevitable, but in some cases decidedly imminent. I bear no hard feelings towards them, but neither do I think now’s the time to stand by idly. We must move forward, take risks, anticipate change and in some cases that won’t be possible. But unless we don’t stake a claim in its future, nothing will ever be done on this front. There need to be more movers and shakers in this enterprise, people willing to take risks but the problems are as cited above.

And now, there’s a new plan; a new idea, a new direction to go with, a new course to charter. It’s different from what I thought it would be, and it’s putting an existing idea on the backburner for just a little while longer until we have the reputation behind us to construct larger landscapes. And it is, in some ways, the safe choice. For now.

There was a marked difference in time and mindset between the above paragraph and all that came before. This entry’s been a labor of time, it would seem.

Thank God I had a road map because one by one, everything will be achieved as we now move towards the marvelous first step.

Tie your bags, zip your luggage and set sail. There’s a long journey ahead.

In Lahore

I realize I haven't written much about the LUMS workshop that took place on Friday evening, which is ironic because it was great. There were contacts to be made, and word to spread about us, and apparently we now have a new potential recruit at the university: it's always nice to meet new people who share your vision.

I've realized something, not entirely new perhaps: I love talking about my work or the Lounge and can probably take that discussion on for hours and hours. It's a little unhealthy, although now that I've brought it to my conscious attention, perhaps that tendency will be curbed.

Arrived in Lahore Thursday evening, after which I went straight to LUMS for a test session which turned out to be a meet-and-greet with the other speakers, Hamza the desi writer who was on the organization committee for the event, and get a feel for how we would be talking. When D-Day arrived, I was still a little nervous but thought I had things reasonably under control. I can say this, however: the more of these speaking engagements / sessions I undertake, the better and easier it's going to get. Because I had been advised to go off script, and really, it was half expected I suppose, there was a little bit of unsurety as I stumbled a little to get off of shaky ground and into the more comfortable areas of thought (and speech).

The unsureness disappeared as the workshop part of my session began and when I really started to get into my own again. Let's face it: I'm at my best when I'm talking about the craft, whether it's my own or others; that's where I really thrive. I'd distributed a sample of my own work (it was extremely first drafty, ideal for a workshop environment, and something that had languished far too quickly as a coherent piece) earlier on, giving time for them to read the piece, talking a little about the process of workshopping: not getting defensive and allowing ego to take a backseat. To show them what I meant, and to introduce them to the process, is where my own work came in. Workshopping started quickly, with me pointing to people to get their opinions before participants started raising their hands on their own which was a sign of active participation. Once that session ended, I decided to put their newfound writing abilities to the test along with the possibilities of being critiqued by their own peers in the room. The speaker before me, Tamkeen Nadeem, Editor-in-Chief of the soon to be launched literary supplement, Scribble had conducted a writing seminar on the basics of writing, so I figured they'd be able to put some of those lessons into practice.

I'd picked up three existing topics from our own members-only short story "competition", communicated them forward and the interpretations received were interesting, from serial killers drowning their lifeguard victims, to a deeply unhappy fish to a girl whose first brush with love had sent her "drowning". We had time for three pieces, which were amply workshopped by the room, discussions took place and I think it's safe to assume the room walked away a little better informed.

At the end, and because I came armed with the idea and really, I wanted to pimp out Desi Writers Lounge as much as possible without being evil, I distributed bookmarks to the attendees. Some of them got my business card also, which I'd thoughtfully brought along so I'm hopeful for the future.

There are events that we'll be holding with a little more frequency in the city, which if the playwriting competition doesn't go through, or takes too long to organize or is far above our budget, we'll have to rely a little more on. For starters, to get people introduced to the concept of DWL, a game night might be in order. A reading is already planned for February although I need to really sit down with Hamza and plan that out in detail along with the possibilities of having a DWL corner more entrenched in a mainstream location either in the city or at campus. But if we go with the latter, it will be alienating other universities and we're not in that position yet so it may be the former...if we can find a nice, accommodating cafe that would be open to that idea of course.

Ye-es, much still left to plan. Of course, it helps that Hamza...our go-to guy for the Lahore chapter, is an MBA student. I foresee lots of brain picking in the future, which bodes well because we are both, or so it would seem, people of action and the progress of DWL depends on the willingness to move by its members.

The time for standing still

is over.

FlashBack

I'm at that stage when I'm listening to old 90s music, trying to understand why some of those were ever popular to begin with (I think it's safe to say that the 90s will always be considered the decade of the boy and girl bands...tragic, but true), and then going back to where I was at that point. For this last in particular, I think it's safe to say that I definitely like where I am currently than at any other point in my life. Especially the 90s.

If anyone's been watching (or for that matter has, like me, either watched 2-3 eps or seen the pilot) ABC's new sci-fi esq show, FlashForward...the title of this post is an homage to that. Although, considering the show hasn't done enough to keep me in, maybe it's not really strictly an homage. I like that word though, so let's stick to the definition.

Anyway, turns out my Lounge peeps believe in me with respect to the LUMS workshop speaking event a lot, which in turn gives me hope and more confidence. I know that I'll probably be a little nervous in the beginning, but then gain stride as I continue. These are my kinda people, after all right? So that gives me hope and besides, I plan on being completely prepared before Friday which is just in a few freaking days.

Meanwhile, there are other activities to plan, a company to register and a nationwide and public event to launch so there are things in the near future. I'm just hoping March/April brings good news so I can go back to what I do best and come back duly rejuvenated.

Runts & Riddles

Our publishing industry is in a funk. When it was ever out of that funk is a valid question. Every publication, from the glossy to your daily newspaper, is riddled with editorial gaffes that simply shouldn't be there if you're a mainstream publication. The sheer thought is blasphemy! The current state of things allows any person with a pen in their hands and a brief intimation of an original thought, to get published and be over the moon.

Yes, there is a DWL anecdote attached to the above: we recently had a member who'd published a paper on criminology in Friday Times which was not only one entire block of text (no paragraphs), but was also severely plagiarized...without any reference or bibliography at the end. It was published as is. Any self respecting editor would first have chopped it down, then done their research on the clear fact that parts of it read differently, where the writer had copied off of other texts and where he had stated his own opinions in his own words. That wasn't done.

I've had friends who've written for the papers and who are grammatically sound; very grammatically sound individuals, and had the newspapers regurgitate their pieces in completely different words thereby obliterating any structure or form to the piece. It's all rather ridiculous and demoralizing. I mean, you wouldn't expect this behavior from newspapers that have been established for a while; sure, maybe the upstarts...maybe, but the established set? It just, it really makes my blood boil because it gives the wrong impression. The writers who are published in these outlets think that if their work is good enough to be published by the mainstream, than we, an independent and online outfit should consider ourselves blessed by simply sharing the same space as them. It's the wrong message, because trust me when I say the work is not good; it is not up to par.

Maybe they should take time out of their busy schedules and come to the LUMS workshop on Friday at 5.30 pm; it might do them some good.

I've been thinking and rethinking my stance on striking out on my own and have been second guessing myself a lot lately, which is normal I suppose. As detailed above, I know everything that's wrong with the current setup, even have the solutions to the problem, but am terrified of what it will mean to start an entirely new venture offline. Yes, we've been fortunate in having a relatively good response to our offline events, and yes our online community has been growing lately and yes, people do have an idea of who we are and yes, the landscape for new ventures by people of my generation is a good one but. There is a but. It would be nice, I suppose, to have some familial backing behind me. My family in general, are of the opinion that I should stay true to the tried and tested formula of holding down a job and then maybe, if I still feel like it, make Desi Writers Lounge something once I get married and that too, maybe after I have some kids. :) It's a little limiting to stay within that perimeter of thought but trying too, when you realize your parents, the two people you need to have believe in you the most, feel like literary awareness isn't really a pursuit, it's not an ambition. They would never have the heart to say that to me outright, but it lingers in the spaces between us, in the words being left unsaid. It hurts just a little, a pinprick of self doubt.

It isn't as though I don't believe in myself and God knows there are over 200 people on the community who believe in me, but all of that means nothing if the people you love don't share that belief. They are worried, I realize; they are scared for me and it's scary. It is. They say they support me but also want me to get married and also want me to keep working with and for the family, where my bosses are only looking out for my well being. It's an ideal situation, I realize and it's great. Really. I just don't have the same visions as they do.

I know what's going to happen if I return: there will be some enchantment in the beginning, slowly giving way to disillusionment as I realize once again how far I am from what I want to do, leading to a growing resentment and I don't want to walk that path again. I have and it's not pretty, and now that I have an out I just feel I'd be foolish not to take it. To explore the possibilities of it and to make the world as I see it, a reality.

The uphill nature of the task that lies before me and the realization that I may have to do this largely alone is, I suppose, what really daunts me. That and the added realization that I may still not find time for my own writing, which is where the root of all resentment comes in causing everything else around me to suffer, so I am terrified of that too because let's face it: writing is what really keeps me going like nothing else. I think it's the fear that I may get eleven rejection letters from eleven different universities that has suddenly stalled the effort of sending out the rest of them as soon as possible (six were sent out earlier and five still remain). Perhaps I want to be told that it will all be okay from a voice aside from my own, that I can do this, that I can do anything I want to.

Don't mistake me: I am not falling into a depression of my own making. I am just understandably terrified of all that lies ahead, feeling a tad safer curled up into a little corner in my own mind. Safe is not necessarily the best thing at this point, however. So either I'm going to have to snap out of it, or take fear by the balls and swing it around some. Either way, the clock's ticking and I have to move fast.

God knows, there's a long journey ahead of me, no short cuts and a bucket load of crap to clean up when the shit hits the fan which it's going to any moment now.

Tallyho?

House of Cards

Writing. It isn't easy. No part of it is easy, and I don't think that it's supposed to be either. At Desi Writers Lounge, we're holding a writer's competition for our members which entails the five best entries to get a special issue of Papercuts to their name, along with a guaranteed spot in our first offline anthology publication. The individual winners will also get a certificate bearing their name, award and commendation from Desi Writers Lounge. It's a big deal. One of the would-be participants stated they don't write on command, but only when their pen allows them to. I find that attitude both pretentious and undisciplined, which is ironic because I used to adhere to that rabid (and lazy) school of thought. If you leave it to a stroke of lightning and hypothetical genius, you're not a writer: you're just lazy.

Don't get me wrong: everything starts from an initial burst of inspiration, a spark that either causes the whole house to burn down or sizzles shortly before it hits the dynamite. It's happened, far too often to be surprising anymore. But to keep the spark, the fire alive long enough for it to reach the can of dynamite, that takes work.

The latest in my world is that I'll be speaking at LUMS' Writers Workshop organized by its literary society on December 11. I think I'll be conducting a mini on the spot workshop, using past experience on DWL as a guide, although in all honesty conducting an online workshop and an offline one is vastly different. Currently, I'm finalizing what I'm going to cover and then need to give the organizers an outline of what I'm going to do along with an introductory profile of myself. This will be my first public speaking venture since I gave presentations all those years ago in college, and if I'm going to go in the direction I need to, the first right step.

The truth is, even though I have a plan, a visual (and formally written) road map of all that's yet to come, not everything will necessarily turn out the way I want it to. Let's face it: this is a brand new direction and I don't always know what I'm doing. I do wing it and sometimes it works; other times, it doesn't. But I'm still going to take the leap and do it. There is a common misconception my parents cling to: they ask why do I have to be the person who does everything with the 'Lounge; that pushes it forward. My response has typically been that in order for any enterprise to succeed there must be at least one person with their fingers on the go button, and in this instance it's me. But I've been overlooking an important factor in all of this: me. I like doing what I do, taking the Lounge into new and interesting directions; I like balancing my ambitions with the cautious approach of the remaining founders; I like being in control. When needed, I can relinquish control and pass the remaining batons to others which I have done in the past, but the one who makes a majority of the decisions needs to be someone who can take what others say and think, separate the good from the bad and then make a decision based on past experience and future expectation. For a long time, that part of me was waiting in the wings and every day, I grow a little more into that role.

Everything I do, everything I think of...it all finds itself tied back into the Lounge. This is my cause; from something that was meant to be a vehicle to help my writing get better, it has morphed into a sense of purpose and determination that my road not be the road of others. I am not jaded; I do realize that we cannot remain a not for profit organization forever, that we will need to build profits in order to gain return on investment, become self sustaining, and have the remotest chance of doing any of the things we need to do for the future.

I am still a writer by blood, words dance within my blood and drama runs hand in hand with everything I do. I think by nature, all writers are dramatists, self inflicted hermits and narcissistic by nature. We believe that we have the power to change the world and the truth is: we do, if we stick to our gut and dreams to get there. A lot of us don't; a lot of us take the easy way out, give in to peer pressure and society and let our dreams fall to the wayside. Some do it out of sheer laziness and I have my moments of just wanting to do absolutely nothing and watch it all pass me by, but then I wake up and think: I am 24, on the brink of turning 25. Five years before 30 and I need to have done something meaningful, something that matters.

Ideally, I would like the opportunity to do this right: to go through the MFA route, to hopefully work at college literary journals and get an insight into all that I need to do in order to get a magazine off the ground. A lot of programs have affiliated lit journals or courses that help you get a better idea, and that would be tremendously helpful instead of going into this blindly.

Marriage at this point in my life seems like a tedious venture that might sway me off course, unless it comes hand in hand with someone openminded enough to realize this is my path and I'm not budging. But since you can't tailor anyone, I suppose it's better to be at the point when you're more accepting of the idea as opposed to thinking it's the red herring in your life.

I've built my house...a house whose foundation rests on belief and determination, and walls made of soul, hard work and the grandest of ideas. Some might call it a house of cards, or a straw house or what have you. I just hope and pray that when it transmutes to a physical representation, it survives the world I live in.