Learning Disabilty

I have a lot to learn. Reading a book recommended by one of my professors (The Night Watch, Sarah Waters) as an example of the sort of structure I'm aiming at, in one light, I realize how much still I have to learn. Not only when it comes to structure and pacing, etc, but how much life I still have to live, people I still have to interact with, activities I still have to indulge in, to write about them effectively. Which goes to say that I may subscribe to the 'write what you know' philosophy of thought. That isn't true. But I think there is merit in that although I think that you can learn to know things too, if you're good enough and have a way to make your imagination work for you. 

Patience. As a short story writer, patience has never been my strongest point but venturing into novel territory (and as life would have it, as always) that's exactly what I need to display. Patience, restraint, taking time to build up a scene, set the characters into motion, pull back the curtains gently but precisely. You'd think that now that I know this things would get easier, but reining myself in as a storyteller is hard. The counterargument (and a pretty decent one at that, admittedly) could be that I should focus solely on the writing, taking down notes about what needs to be improved and honed and focus on that part in the summer when I have to prepare my final portfolio. But that brings me back to the patience problem again: this version of the novel is going to be skeletal and that's what the notes are for: character backstories, personality traits, plot details that might never see the light of day on rewrites. While writing this initial draft, I've taken the liberty to place strategic comments directly into MS Word as a reminder to myself when coming back to it, so that's helpful. Pair that up with hardcopy suggestions of my fellow workshop cohorts, and that's some useful stuff right there. I also intend to keep in touch with at least one (or two) of my professors upon graduation. 

My father wants me to go into a full time job right after I graduate and while yes, I do want to work in the industry, I sometimes ponder at the possibility of not having time for my real work. I am terrified that I'll come to hate what was intended to be loved so there is caution in approaching that line. Plus, a lot has to do with whether I'll actually get that opportunity. If the agent comes through, the path might diverge. Probably not substantially, but there will be changes one would imagine. There are three strands that I'm going to see through till the end and leave the final results up to God, believing that wherever my 'true path' lies, that's where I'll be. It's hard to set a timeline for that and the planner in me is (only slightly) scared of the ambivalence.

It's like I was telling Jo: "I'm a planner. I need to know where I'm going so I can get there." It holds true for work and life alike. Although, are the two very different?

Yeah, a lot to learn still.