Is it possible to outgrow something? An idea? Friends? Love, or the idea of it? I think the real tragedy is that outgrowth is the natural byproduct of change. We change as we mature. Isn't that the general idea? The concept of outgrowth is another something I've been returning to time and again both here and in general thought processes. The people/things/places/objects, etc we leave behind in our journeys to getting somewhere else. It fascinates. One of these days I might write something about it.
Social change has become, over the last few years especially, a concept that's ingratiated itself into my written projects although given, not always successfully. But if I really scratch below the surface, what I'm really interested in, beyond the social and cultural aspects of any issue, are the more global emotions, trials and tribulations that might take place locally but that ultimately transcend geography. Perhaps emotion has always played a role in my work and I never realized it until I came here, or perhaps I was kidding myself with the illusion that I could tackle the larger, more philosophical questions of life, or maybe my work binds the two together in some way and this is just the beginning of that journey.
My path is already changing, from corporate culture to something more related to my area of expertise (more details on that when I know for sure), and my aims for pursuing a Creative Writing MFA are returning. Beyond that, I'm not sure what my next steps are going to be: working in publishing whether for a house, newspaper or magazine or serving in an academic capacity in some way. For now though, I'm content in not knowing. Planning can get tedious sometimes and in the instance where things don't always go your way (which is the habit of life, it seems), it's disappointing waking up in the morning to that disgruntled face in the mirror. So one day at a time for now. I don't suppose the planner in me can ever completely disappear; she's been my constant companion my entire life: part planner, part dreamer, separating those parts from the individual I am will strip away a key part of who I am.
When times get especially tough for me, or when the day hasn't been a particularly good one, or if I'm questioning my resolve in this field I am determined to see till the very end, this quote pushes me through:
Don't quit. It's very easy to quit during the first ten years. Nobody cares whether you write or not, and it's very hard to write when nobody cares one way or the other. You can't get fired if you don't write and you don't get rewarded if you do. But don't quit.
Unfortunately, I've misplaced the Post-It with the quote's author and Google has, for once, been largely unhelpful in tracking this down. But it's worthy advice for any aspiring artist, I'd say: writer, painter, poet, singer, musician, whatever. The first several years are tough, but another worthy quote to remember is "a professional writer is an amateur who didn't quite." That one's a Richard Bach quote.
There is one part of me that will never die: the eternal optimist. I believe in persistence and the determination to follow through and the two being key ingredients in getting what you want--what you really, really want, deep down--and the patience to see it all through. I'm not the most social person in the world and I may have missed out on worthy opportunities, but it's done and what has happened was the way it was meant to happen. But I believe that there will be opportunities someone like me would probably benefit a bit more from. One thing is certain: I am not tenacious and in-your-face enough to be involved in sales of any sort. Marketing, communication, editing, writing and perhaps in a more distended direction, managing; these are my key talents. Anything that keeps me away from the limelight is where I will do well.
But for now, in an ideal world, the MFA is what I want my next step to be so that a year from now, I'll be starting a new program and preparing to devote the next 2-4 years of my life to it.
Who knows though? I may outgrow the need for it?
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